I Will Hold You Fiercely

by NappiFan

Many people think they know you, and to various degrees, they do. They know what you want them to know. When you are strong...when you have control. But they don't see you the way I see you. They never know the part of you I know. And for that, I will hold you fiercely.

You come to me after someone's wrecked you again. After someone has brutalized you to make you give up today's secrets. Perhaps you've been beaten, drugged senseless, shot, and left alone somewhere to die. You hang on. Your resistance to them keeps others alive, protects them, and ensures goodness in the world prevails. For that, I will hold you fiercely.

I bandage. As needed, I wash, clean, give medicine, change IVs, and take vitals. The doctors are in charge of your health, but I am in charge of your care. For this, I soothe, encourage, cajole, cluck, listen, watch, nag, and then soothe again. I hold you steady, hold you up, or when needed, hold you back. And because you let me, I will hold you fiercely.

Others come to visit. You prop yourself up and are "fine." They watch you to see if it's true. You fuss, resist, and argue to go home. This is what they expect. This is what they need from you. It tells them they will survive too. You always give them this no matter what the cost to you. They are safe under your watch. Because you do this, I will hold you fiercely.

I know darkness is there. It's the fear in your eyes when you awaken and don't know where you are. It's the shaking, sweating, screaming, and nightmares that always come on your second and third night. I know how the emotional scars match up precisely to the physical ones. You open these to me at four in the morning when the shrinks and therapists are home in their beds. Your soft voice and tears release the story to me allowing you to stand strong again. During this, I will hold you fiercely.

For seven years we have danced this dance. I watch you go each time and pray you'll never be back even though it's a certainty you will. I know the toll it takes. Most people see the invincible. I see the human. When you are called into service, I'll always be ready to do the same. I'll be ready in this place for you whenever you need it. This is my promise to you, Napoleon. I will hold you fiercely.

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