A Little Christmas Naughty
by Charlie Kirby

It started out as such a silly thing, I thought as I walked down the corridors of Medical, listening to the squeak of my shoes. I loved that particular noise. It reminds me of bed springs. We'd been sitting in the canteen, enjoying something laughingly referred to as coffee and something else referred to as crumb cake. It was all crumbs, no cake at that point.

"Nellie, I bet even you couldn't." Sherrie was slowly tearing her napkin into tiny bits, one of her favorite pastimes. It kept her distracted from the crumb cake.

"Even I couldn't what?" I set aside my coffee and checked my watch. Even though we were slow down in Medical, I made it a point to never be late back from my break. I'd learned that you led by example. A good looking dark haired agent had taught me that a long time ago and I had never forgotten it.

"Get the Blond under the mistletoe."

"The Blond? Mr. Kuryakin, you mean?" Personally, I called him The Pretty, but they didn't know that.

"The one and only." It was a well known fact that Sherrie had it bad for the Russian - something everyone seemed to know, except for the object of her affection. Illya was apparently blissfully unaware of it, although he frequently was more astute than he let on.

"We need to have a contest," Suzie, Dr. Wallach's assistant, announced. "This year, our Christmas goal should be to see which one of us can get Illya under the mistletoe."

Immediately my cheeks colored and both of my friends started to laugh. They thought I was embarrassed about the thought of kissing Illya. They had no idea about the very interesting evening I'd spent with him just about a year ago and a few more since then. When he took me home from a retirement party, Illya and I had spent the evening playing doctor and the man had an incredible surgical probe... I'm just sayin'....

That was what had made my cheeks flame - thinking of him lying there, hard and needing me. The interesting little sounds he made just before he came... I took a deep breath and started mentally reciting the Kreb's Cycle.

"Nellie, when are you going to join the rest of us experienced hussies? Being a virgin isn't as much fun as the other. Even God knows that."

I hid behind my stammering, letting them think what they would. My promise, an oath I'd made long ago, was that no one would know about my relationship with Illya. Only Napoleon seemed to have made the connection and it's possible that Illya told him - I have a feeling there are no secrets between those two.

"Is it a deal?" Suzie asked, starting to gather her trash together, including Sherrie's napkin bits in with hers.

"What do we win?" I needed to know before we started what I was going to be losing. This was one bet I refused to win.

"Um, how about a night out in a really nice restaurant and the others pay?" That was perfect; I'd just gotten a raise and my bonus. My Christmas shopping was done and I was wondering how to celebrate. This was perfect!

"That sounds great to me! I'm tired of tuna fish and crackers." Sherrie was always watching her figure, although I didn't know why. She was about ten pounds underweight and was always getting sick from this or that. If she gained a little more weight, she'd be a little healthier. But what do I know? I'm just a nurse.

Illya was stretched out on the exam table, one hand behind his head, the other arm tucked between my body and arm as I prepared to insert a transfusion needle into his vein. We make it a practice to keep at least a couple of pints of all the agents' blood on hand, although some go through it much faster than others. Illya, for example, seemed to use up his supply as fast as we could pump it.

"Illya?" I felt safe using his given name, since we were the only ones in the small room.

"Yes, Nellie?" I knew he was looking at me now even without turning my head as I swabbed his arm with Betadine. I always took a little longer than I needed to, but I loved the feeling of being so close to him.

"Maybe this is wrong, but I wanted to give you a heads up."

"About." He stiffened slightly as I slipped the needle in.

I taped the needle into place and released the rubber tube I'd been using as a tourniquet. He began squeezing the ball I'd given him. I watched the muscles in his forearm flex and felt a little spot in the pit of my stomach start to glow. "You are the focus of the annual Christmas challenge this year."

"Not again. They're not going to try to make me wear women's underwear or something equally ludicrous, are they?"

I opened and closed my mouth at the mental image of Illya in a merry widow and stockings. "Ah... no, but I thank you for that very naughty thought. The object of the bet is to get you under the mistletoe first." I squatted down to check the bag and then stood up, catching his eyes. The man has the most incredibly blue eyes. The warm spot started to spill over into other parts of my anatomy.

"That's it? That's not much of a challenge. Who is involved?"

"Suzie, Sherrie, and me."

His lips curled upwards and I thought my heart was going to flop out of my rib cage. "You don't need mistletoe for me to kiss you, Nellie. All you need do is ask."

"I know, that's why I can't win."

"Why is that?"

"Illya, Sherrie has it so bad for you - one kiss from you and you'd make her year. Heck, you'd make her decade."

"Hasn't she gone out with Napoleon?"

"Of course." Nearly every woman at HQ had gone out with Napoleon if they wanted to. Napoleon was an equal opportunist.

"Then why would she want me?" I loved this part of Illya. He just couldn't understand what people, women people mostly but there were a few guys as well, saw in him. The fact that he was sex on a plate never even occurred to him and that just added to his appeal.

"Because you are you." I smiled at him in a knowing way as I checked the bag again. "Okay, stop squeezing." Instantly, his hand went limp. "But you can't do it too easily or else she'll know she's been set up."

"And what does the woman who succeeds in this venture win?"

"Besides a kiss from you? Dinner in a nice restaurant, gratis the other two."

"All right." I placed a wad of gauze over the needle and slid it out. "Pressure on that." I didn't need to tell him, but I still did. We went through this song and dance every few weeks. He knew the drill better than I did, right down to the cookies that were being served. I know he likes Oreos and apple juice, so always made sure to have some on hand for him. At least it kept him around for a few more minutes.

We went through the usual caution and I helped him sit up, not because he needed my help, but because I like touching him, even casually. This time he surprised me by pulling me in and giving me the sweetest kiss possible.

"What was that for?" I asked when my voice was working again.

"For being a good friend. I will make sure that Sherrie is successful..." He paused and smiled again, stroking my hair. He released me slowly. "But not too easily."

And so began the dance of trying to get Illya under the mistletoe. He was particularly astute at detecting it and side stepping at the last minute. Sherrie and Suzie were frustrated to tears and I played along, just because it was fun watching and listening to them scheme during our breaks. To keep things interesting, I passed the info to My Pretty.

It was at the Section Four Christmas party that it all came to a head. The eggnog was flowing freely and several of my co-workers were already three sheets to the wind. Mr. Waverly was playing Santa to some of the employees' kids and I felt a yearning in my heart. I wanted a little one someday, like my sisters, and I felt my attention wander over to where Illya was talking with a group of his fellow agents. They were laughing about something and I couldn't help but think what pretty babies Illya would make.

"Penny for your thoughts, my sweet." Napoleon planted a kiss on my cheek and I giggled, blushing.

"Napoleon Solo, you are a scoundrel, creeping up on a woman like that."

"It's the only way he can get a woman these days. Most see him coming and head for the hoosegow," Illya mumbled, hiding behind his cup of egg nog. He winked at me and I giggled again.

"Hoosegow? Where did you hear that term, partner?"

"A cowboy thing." Illya pointed over his shoulder vaguely and now I laughed.

"I think your friend is a little drunk, Mr. Solo," I kept my voice pitched so that it carried over to my two co-workers. They'd been drowning their sorrows in some of Mrs. Waverly's homemade fudge and I saw Sherrie's head swivel in our direction, her expression hopeful.

"Is everything okay over here?" Immediately both Sherrie and Suzie were all attention and at our sides, ready to help.

"Huh?" Illya swayed slightly as he turned. "Everything is great." He made a wide gesture with his arms and Napoleon snatched the cup of eggnog mid flight.

"I think perhaps Mr. Kuryakin could do with a bit of a lie-down or some fresh air. Nellie?"

"I'll do it!" Both Sherrie and Suzie stepped forward.

"Well, Miss Suzie, I was hoping that you and I could dance for a while." There was a soft silky edge to Napoleon's voice and I knew Suzie was a gone goose. With a happy sigh, she held out her hand to Napoleon and he led her away onto the dance floor. I suspected they'd be doing a different sort of dancing later on.

I gave Illya a nudge and he took a funny little side step, bumping into Sherrie.

"Oops, it was a dark and stormy night," Illya muttered, seemingly dazed by my action.

Sherrie glared at me and I pointed upwards. Mistletoe - a parasite to some, paradise for others. She nodded, put a hand on either side of Illya's face and planted a kiss directly on those very kissable lips of his. He acted surprised, but not as much as she did when he enthusiastically reciprocated.

A few minutes later, I watched him leave, arm-in-arm with my coworker, and felt a little sad. She was going to get the best my Pretty would have to offer tonight and Suzie was going to be on the receiving end of some lovely action from the Brunet. I, on the other hand, went home alone, as usual.

Even though I live alone with just a couple of cats for company, I still like to decorate, especially the tree. Mom and my sisters come over and we have a tree party, with Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby, and Lawrence Welk. We laugh and remember all the good things that happened during the year; bad things were not permitted, not then.

So, I was all cuddly in my robe with some peppermint tea, complete with a candy cane stirrer and two cats curled up on the afghan I had over my feet. The tree was twinkling prettily, but my heart wasn't in it. Nor was it in the Christmas variety show on the TV that I wasn't watching. I was letting my thoughts drift as like the snowflakes across my balcony. The Christmas tree, all beautiful with its bright lights, sat in the corner, trying hard, but it still didn't make me feel any better.

Why do I feel so lousy when I know I did something good? I wondered as I sucked on the candy cane. I knew I wasn't the only woman Illya slept with, but I still felt a sense of loss. It had been months since we'd connected in that way and while I knew it had to be on his terms, I just felt so lonely tonight.

There was a knock on my door and I frowned as the two cats took off for places unknown. Well, beneath my bed, but they think they are well hidden. Who would be out tonight? A peek and I started laughing, hurriedly undoing the locks and bolts.

"Illya, what are you doing --?" I didn't get out more because he was kissing me, really kissing me, one that I could feel down to my toes and make me swear he was blowing belly button lint out my navel.

"You," he whispered, when he at last surfaced, "are a much better kisser."

"I... I am...?"

He was pulling off his coat, his jacket, his holster, and everything else as fast as he could until there was nothing between us except the fluff of my robe and then that was gone as well. The franticness of his actions sort of startled me. The last time we'd made love, he had been so cautious, so careful to take into consideration my feelings and concerns. Not this time. He was a man on a mission and I had the suspicion that it all centered on just one part of my anatomy.

Not that I was worried about my physical safety. I knew, just somehow knew, if I said stop he would. Well, my mama didn't raise a fool. I shivered, not so much because his hands were cold, which they were, but from knowing what was coming.

Making love with Illya is never quite the same thing twice. I was unashamed of my nakedness; in fact, the way Illya was caressing me, I was damn proud of it. The bedroom was too far away and I led him to the couch. That proved too far as well and the next thing I knew I was stretched out on the faux bear skin rug that my kid sister had given me last year.

All the while Illya's hands and mouth moved, finding all the right spots to make me gasp and sigh in pleasure. He was in a hurry, of that there was no doubt, but not for the moment of penetration; he was more concerned with the trip there, making pit stops along the way. I didn't know what got him so worked up, but I was delighted to know I was where it all stopped.

When he slipped into me, I was surprised that he had somehow along the way, gotten a condom on. The man is a mystery, that's all there is to it, but there was no mystery now. Now there was just us, moving in concert with each other, feeling Illya shudder and buck as he pistoned in and out of me and listening to our voices.

It was a long time before I could look at that bit of rug in front of the tree without blushing to beat the band. I see it and I can still feel the way his fingers curled into my hips, the half sob, half groan he made when he climaxed.

I got rug burn on my bum and he got it on his knees. The next door neighbors probably thought I dropped a pot of boiling water down my front. I probably was doomed to a lifetime of confessions, but it didn't matter. Feeling him in me, in my arms, knowing that just for the moment, I was the most important thing in his world was all worth it.

I loved the sweet look that came over his face - post coital bliss the text book calls it. I have a better word: Contentment. I loved that he didn't make petty conversation, didn't ask me stupid questions like, "Was it good for you, too, baby?"

That made me giggle and he looked down at me smiling. Effortlessly, he rolled, taking me with him and then I was on top. I knew he was taking care of the used condom and did my part to not notice, happy to rest my head on his chest, listen to the steady strong beat of his heart.

"I'm sorry," he said after a minute and I propped myself up, making sure my elbows didn't dig in.

"For what?"

"Usually I ask before I..." He made a waggling motion with his head. "... take."

"Not to worry, I was more than willing. Besides, I knew if I said something you would have stopped. Albeit not happily, but you would have stopped. That's why I trust you." I resumed my prone position and toyed with his chest hair, daring to let my finger travel over to trace around one of his nipples.

He caught his breath and I smiled. I had a feeling I wasn't the only one who was going to have rug burns all over their can.

I raised up a little so I could reach the nipple just beneath my cheek and lowered my mouth to suck it in. He arched, his eyes closed. It was incredible to have this sort of control over a physically powerful man. To permit himself to be weak and wanting to me, that was a real rush. On the other hand, I wasn't in one and I took my time, nursing one nipple, then the other until I was ready to move on.

By the time I got down to business, his erection was straining skyward. Illya's had been the first uncircumcised penis I'd encountered in bed. Granted my experience wasn't much, but still this had been a whole new experience for me. Illya knew this and had patiently permitted my lengthy examination and answered my questions. He showed me what he liked and what gave him the most pleasure. The first time had been sort of hit and miss, but not now.

Of course, as hard as he was, the foreskin wasn't much of an issue at the moment. I positioned myself and blew lightly across the glistening tip of his penis. He caught his breath and I knew if I were to touch my tongue to it, he'd go off like a skyrocket. I didn't want that, so I sat back on my heels, straddling his knees.

I looked around and his head came up off the floor.

"Problem?"

"Condom?"

"Right pants pocket."

I really didn't want to get up, but common sense made me to get to my feet and I hurried over to where his clothes were piled. It took me longer than I wanted, but at last my fingers found a familiar foil packet. I handed these things out in Medical as if they were candy, but do you think the guys use them? You wouldn't know it from the penicillin shots I administered on a regular basis. I opened the packet as I walked back.

"Do you want me to...?" Illya started, reaching for it, but I shook my head.

"No, I can... well, in theory, I can." I positioned it and began to roll the rubber. "I mean, it can't be much different than putting it on a banana."

"I beg your pardon?" Illya propped himself up on his elbows and had a really weird look on his face and I giggled.

"That's how we used to practice."

"Oh..." He laid back down and shook his head slightly. Obviously women were a mystery to him.

I got lots of practice that night. First straddling and riding him as if he was a bucking bronco, then in bed, side by side. The man knew more positions than was healthy and he shared a few of them with me that night... and the next morning.

I was startled to wake up and find him in bed with me, still asleep, his arm still across my stomach. He'd been gone the last time... and the time before that. I shifted and immediately two blue eyes were staring at me.

"Sorry," I murmured, stroking his face. His cheek was rough with whiskers and he caught my hand and kissed it. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Hair trigger," he explained, settling back against the pillows.

"So, you are still here."

"I am still here."

"What should we do about it?" I glanced over at the bedside clock. I still had over an hour before I had to get ready for work.

That morning was a number of firsts for me- can you believe it? The first time I woke up with someone in bed, the first time I made love in the light of day, the first time I watched a man ejaculate to my own doing while we were exploring each other in my first shower with someone else. It was quite a start to the day.

It started out as such a silly thing, I thought as I walked down the corridors of Medical, listening to the squeak of my shoes. I loved that particular noise, but there was another noise that I was becoming equally fond of - the sound of two people as they moved as one. I wasn't sure what else Santa might be leaving me under the Christmas tree this year, but I had the feeling he was going to have a helluva time beating the one I'd already unwrapped.

I knew I'd giggle at whatever story Sherrie brought to the Canteen that morning, I knew I'd not be able to keep a straight face anytime afterwards spotting mistletoe and I knew, sure as God made little green apples, I knew who I would be kissing under the mistletoe that night.